


I Failed This Time, Too

by kagedyams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, I cant write in character to save my life, I swear theres a happy ending, M/M, Major Character Injury, Nishinoya is the master of giving gifts, Slow Burn, Suga is a mess 24/7, Suga's birthday, Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, Warning of copious amounts of phallic-shaped devices, even if daichi dies like 8 times, like the first chapter is mostly fluff?? and then its all angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:38:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagedyams/pseuds/kagedyams
Summary: Suga wakes up the day after his birthday and Daichi is dead.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Uh??? Just a warning that there is major character death if you didn't read the tags?? it's temporary though but kinda gory??? Not really but just wanted to warn ya.
> 
> Also i'm bad at titles and summaries.

He remembered a time when birthdays were fun.

 

He remembered a time when he stayed up for hours the day beforehand messing up the covers on his bed because the excitement in his gut prohibited sleep.

 

Suga remembered the 17 birthdays celebrated for his sake, and he wondered why this one felt different.

 

* * *

 

Suga woke up on June 13th and didn’t feel older. He didn’t feel like he had grown 3 inches like he did every birthday, or like he had matured even a day. He awoke to his alarm screaming the time in his ear and the call of his mother from downstairs. He rubbed the crust from his eyes, bleary-eyed and exhausted after a night of studying. He flipped open his phone to check the time, only to be greeted with a mass spam of emails. They stretched across his screen, the sender names varying from Hinata to Kageyama to Nishinoya to even Oikawa. They all read the same message in varying tones (some far more innappropriate than others) shouting the hackneyed “Happy Birthday!” in all caps or behind an ellipses or preceding some grandiose speech. He skimmed through them all, smiling softly as he sent a small thanks in reply.

 

The name Sawamura Daichi caught his eye amidst the mayhem of messages. The time receipt read “12:00 AM” and Suga couldn’t help but smile. He figured a goof like Daichi would wait up until midnight just to be the first to send a birthday mail. He clicked it open, eyes skimming the message.

 

_You’re probably asleep or studying your ass off right now, but happy birthday. It’s kinda lame to be up waiting for your birthday, but you only turn 18 once, huh? Anyway, don’t think I’ll cut you any slack at training today! -Daichi_

_P.S. I reserved a table for the izakaya near town, so don’t make any plans tonight or I won’t buy you any of that mapo tofu_

 

Suga pressed his phone to his mouth, giggling into the screen after he had browsed Daichi’s message. He pulled it away to type away a reply:

 

_Now, is that any way to talk to your senpai? I never thought I’d see the day you’d willingly go near my mapo tofu, last time you got too close and your nose was red for a week! Do I get a special reward for being on my best behavior today? -Suga_

 

He reread the message, quickly pressing the delete button until the last sentence was erased before pressing Send. Suga would rather say that directly to Daichi’s face, where he could watch the tips of his ears blossom in dark red hues as he grew increasingly flustered. He had just dropped his phone back onto his bed and stood up to stretch when it vibrated again, marking a new message. Flipping it back open, Suga was less than surprised to find the sender was Daichi.

 

_Sorry, would you like me to get a cane for my dear elderly Suga? It’s a special day, don’t make me regret it when I’m tearing up into next week. I hope you’re almost ready, I’ll be at your house in 10 -Daichi_

 

Cursing, Suga looked at his phone clock to see he was running way late. Tossing his phone haphazardly in the direction of the bed, he quickly dressed and washed up, still pulling on his pants with his toothbrush jammed into his molars. The doorbell rang just as Suga slotted the last button of his shirt, wiping his mouth with a towel as he called down “I got it!” He was on his way towards the entrance when his mother’s words halted him.

 

“Koushi, you haven’t had breakfast or opened your present yet!”

 

Suga turned around quickly to address his mom, but the sound of the doorbell cut off whatever words he was gonna say. “I’ll open it later, love you!” he had called as he grabbed his bag by the door and slid open the door, breath huffing out erratically and cheeks red from his scampering about. Daichi just smiled a sickly innocent grin, ignoring Suga’s accusatory glare as he greeted Mrs. Sugawara and offered Suga a paper bag.

 

“Oh, a gift, _for me?_ Why, you shouldn’t have!” Suga faked dramatics as he opened it up to pull out a bagel. He took a greedy bite before his stomach could protest its lack of sustenance, speaking over the crumbs as he addressed Daichi “I hope this isn’t the only gift you got me.”

 

Daichi laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets as he fell into step with Suga on the sidewalk. “I got you something else too, but you only get it if you behave today,” he said, eyeing Suga suspiciously.

 

Suga scoffed into his food, “When am I ever _not_ the absolute quintessence of purity and joy?” He teased, only to drop his jaw in faux offense at the deadpan look Daichi sent his way. “Come on Daichi, I know you got something in that bag just for me!”

 

“No, I don’t think so. I mean I have this great wrapped present for one Sugawara Koushi, but he’s not here with me. Instead I’m stuck with a greedy old man,” Daichi quipped, resulting in a well-placed elbow into Daichi’s side, causing him to wheeze in pain.

 

“And here I was thinking we had something special. Oh, I’ve been conned! Swindled! Deceived on this day, the day of my birth!”

 

“Oh, quit being a big drama queen. You know why I’m dating you!” Daichi averted his eyes, embarrassed at having raised his voice about such a thing in a public space.

 

“No, I don’t know, tell me!” Suga’s eyes glinted mischievously, yet Daichi remained resolute in not answering. “Is it--” Suga gasped sharply “Is it only because of my body?”

 

Daichi looked panicked for a solid moment, his face frozen in and his mouth gaping open. “Where are you getting these crazy ideas, Suga?” He asked after recovering at least a little bit of his poise.

 

“I was just kidding, you dork. I know you love me because of my angelic personality,” Suga teases, ribbing Daichi teasingly. Daichi reciprocated with by a soft shove to Suga’s side.

 

“I wonder how your kouhai would feel if they knew how naughty you really are behind that pretty face,” Daichi deadpanned, hiking his bag up his shoulder.

 

“Oh, so I really am just a pretty face!” Suga quipped back, shooting an accusatory glare as Daichi attempted to retract his words.

 

“I didn’t mean-- I-- well what I meant was-- oh wow are we already at the school? How convenient!” Daichi exclaimed as he picked up the pace. _How convenient indeed,_ Suga thought as he rolled his eyes and sped up his pace.

 

The clubroom was empty when they entered, probably because Daichi was the only one with the key and they arrived 15 minutes earlier than everyone, a daily tradition. They talked about school and summer vacations plans as they changed, fooling around as Suga threw his slacks at Daichi and dodged his shirt in return.

 

“So, about tonight..” Daichi started, interrupting Sugawara before he could launch his wadded jersey at Daichi. “I was thinking we could head home after practice and meet up at the intersection outside the izakaya at like 6? I’d prefer not to go smelling like pheromones and sweat,” Daichi wrinkled his nose as he smelled his practice shirt, which really didn’t smell too bad considering it was washed the night before. Suga nodded, folding his blazer and placing it on top of his bag.

 

“And we wouldn’t want any of those troublemakers following us either,” Suga concurred, nodding to himself.

 

“Did you just call our teammates ‘troublemakers’? You really are growing into an old man, soon I’ll be hearing you calling Hinata and Kageyama whippersnappers,” Daichi snorted and Suga feels compelled to join in.

 

“Oi you young’uns, you whippersnappers better get off my court or I’ll give you a what for!” Suga mimicked, evoking a deep chuckle from Daichi as he doubled over. Suga broke off into a series of guffaws following him, slapping Daichi harshly on the back. He immediately straightened his back as the door burst open.

“Suga!” A chorus came from the doorway, accompanied by shouts as various teammates stumbled upon each other to get through the door. Hinata sneaks through, tripping over his feet as he barrels into Suga, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him tight.

 

“Happy Birthday!” He cried out as the others flood in, wrapping their arms around Suga just the same.

 

Suga laughed, eyes crinkling in mirth as he tries to wriggle his way out. “Thank you, thank you guys! I think I may die today if you don’t let me go though, kinda hard to breathe” Suga chuckled, carefully extricating himself from the dogpile as he heaved in his reviving breaths.

 

“Suga! Suga! I got you a present and you should totally open it first!” Nishinoya nudged his way up, extending a sloppily-wrapped gift that looked suspiciously phallic-shaped. “Ryu got you something too but he _totally_ left it at his house,” Nishinoya cackled, earning a cuff on the ear from his red-tinted friend.

 

“And after I had to go through the embarrassment of asking Saeko to get it for me…” Tanaka lamented, spurring some awkward questions to spawn in Suga’s head. He shook it away, tucking the present into his bag.

 

“Thanks, Noya, I’ll just open it in private… Just in case I get so teary-eyed at your thoughtfulness that I can’t contain it?” Suga lied through his teeth, watching as Daichi muffled his chortles behind his wrist. Nishinoya beamed back at Suga in reply, and Suga forced the pleasant smile to stay on his face.

 

“I guess you shouldn’t open my present then, Suga. Because it’s so great you’ll cry for sure!” Hinata ambled to the front, thrusting a package directly under Suga’s nose. He chuckled, gingerly taking it. The wrapping wasn’t able to cover the packaging in some areas and the tape was clearly visible, but warmness seeped through Suga’s chest at the thought.

 

Yamaguchi was the next one to step up, “I didn’t get the chance to wrap it but I kinda put together just a picture album from this year. Oh, Tsukki helped too, but he went a little overboard with the stickers.” Suga watced as Tsukishima grows red in the face, elbowing his friend who immediately apologizes, albeit with little sincerity.

 

“Thank you guys so much, I-I don’t know what to say,” Suga felt the sting in his eyes and he brought his jacket sleeve up to mask the growing tears. Noya laughed, slapping him on the back as the others come up to wish him well or give their own gifts. He isn’t entirely surprised to receive a plain volleyball thrusted to his chest by a blushing Kageyama, who muttered indiscernible words under his breath before being tackled by Hinata, resulting in their standard tussle.

 

Their merriment was only interrupted as the door opened again to reveal the coach, his eyebrows furrowed inwards as he took in the roughhousing bunch.

 

“I hope you guys have a reason for staying in the clubroom 10 minutes past our practice time, and I hope you guys can explain it while running 10 laps around the gym.” The team groaned in unison, followed by a mosh pit of teenage boys making a hasty escape towards the gym, where they could run before being punished with more laps. Suga moves to go after them, but he’s stopped by Coach Ukai. “You’re not exempt from the laps just because it’s your birthday,” he taunts, grinning down at the third-year.

 

Suga smiled in reply, “Didn’t even cross my mind, Coach,” Suga replied before jogging down the clubroom stairs, catching up to a lagging Daichi as they traversed around the outskirts of the gym.

 

“Guess the birthday boy isn’t catching any breaks today, huh?” Daichi teased as he quickly passed the non-regular second-years. Even Suga was having a hard time keeping pace with those toned legs which flexed and flaunted their sleek ligaments as they expanded and contrasted with each step forward. He didn’t even register Daichi’s warning until it was too late, far too absorbed in the thin film of sweat coating his tanned thighs to notice the rock that caught under his feet, forcing him to stumble downwards. The cry he elicited was automatic, and he tucked his elbows into his chest and braced himself for an impact that never came. All he felt was a hot palm gripping his forearm and an uneasy sense of vertigo, followed by a stretch of muscle that pulled Suga to his feet. “That would’ve been some present if you fell,” Daichi teased, although his eyes were roving Suga’s body for any trace sign of injury.

 

“Oh, my knight in shining armor. Please, whisk me away to your unicorn-filled palace and let us fill this world with our royal offspring!” Suga muttered sarcastically to defuse the growing heat in his face that spawned from the hot touch of Daichi’s palm.

 

“Enough of your wisecracks, Princess Suga,” Daichi scoffed as he begun to pick up his pace again after making sure Suga was okay. Suga followed his stead, noting the twinge in his ankle but wisely deciding to ignore it. He didn’t want to hassle anyone, especially not on his birthday. With a few uneasy steps, he quickly regained his pace and jogged alongside Daichi, feeling the drag of dirt against his sore ankle with each step he mustered, yet he grit his teeth and continued on, ignoring Daichi’s scrutinizing gaze.

 

Practice after that went relatively smoothly, save for a few twinges of pain from his ankle. He had deduced a while ago that it wasn’t twisted, he had just put too much pressure on it in his fall. It was okay.

 

Class took longer than he wanted to. His blood was pumping in anticipation for the night, his fingers subconsciously drumming against his desk as he zoned out, head cradled in his palm as he stared half-lidded at the dark brown hair of his boyfriend. He watched as Daichi’s muscles flexed as he scribbled notes into his book, as he stretched his muscles taut behind his head as he yawned deeply. Suga watched those thick fingers as they scratched the nape of his neck, toying with the buzzed hairs that Suga wanted oh so desperately to rake his fingers through. He watched dazedly as Daichi’s tendons condensed as he ripped paper from his notebook, watched the hooded look Daichi shot Suga as he glanced surreptitiously at him from the side of his eye, mouth pulled up in the semblance of a smirk. Suga snapped himself out of his reverie when Daichi broke the gaze to turn back to the board, keenly ignoring Suga’s blank look and the folded page on his desk. With quaking fingers, he undid the folds and unraveled the message.

 

_Is it just me, or is the guy behind me being really weird right now? I totally think he’s got a big gay crush on me, but he’s kinda cute so I guess it’s okay…_

 

Suga had to suppress his laugh, immediately choking on his merriment as he exhaled into his sleeve, catching the attention of a few surrounding classmates. He uttered an apology and bowed his head, the smile still creasing the edge of his lips just barely as his eyes roved over the messy and slanted characters in Daichi’s note. Stealthily, he wrote a reply and slipped it over Daichi’s shoulder and onto his desk.

 

_Maybe the ego of the guy in front of him is so big it’s blocking his view of the board._

 

Daichi laughed at that, broad shoulders shaking slightly. He stowed the note in his bag and faced forward, not bothering to respond to Suga. Suga sighed and zoned out again, waiting for class to end.  


 

Suga was lucky that the Coach dismissed them early today, warning them of the summer heat and the risks of heat stroke and overheating. Leaving the group with chilled waters, he let them back into the stuffy clubroom to peel their sweating jerseys from their bodies.

 

“Hey Suga, what are you doing tonight for your birthday? We should all totally go out to get udon or something!” Nishinoya called as Suga pulled off his sweat-stained practice shirt. Suga sighed under his breath, fretting momentarily over how to dissuade the others from dragging him to dinner without unveiling his plans with Daichi.

 

“Oh, a bunch of my family members are coming from the next district over to celebrate. It’s nothing big, but unfortunately I can’t go out today,” Suga replied breezily, flinging his shirt into his bag with no regards to folding it. It would end up in the wash tonight anyways, so it really didn’t matter.

 

“Woah, a house filled with Suga’s!? That sounds so awesome!” Hinata gawked, mouth agape as he was filled with fantasies of dozens of Suga lookalikes. Suga pinched the bridge of his nose and laughed into his palm.

 

“I’d invite you to join but I wouldn’t want to make you feel like you’re standing out,” Suga brushed it off with a gentle and disarming smile which forbid any other comments from his underclassmen.

 

“Well, we’re off,” Daichi called out as Suga adjusted the strap on his bag, giving no room for others as they took off. As far as the two of them were concerned, none of their teammates were aware of their relationship, but everyone knew they lived relatively close to each other, which justified them constantly walking home together.

 

The sun was beating down upon the dark pavement, sending fuzzy heat rays upwards. Suga felt a thin film of sweat gather around his forehead, still heated from intensive practice. It was summer all right, and this one was already proving brutal.

 

“So, how long are you gonna go pretending your ankle isn’t stinging?” Daichi asked, sending a pointed look at a frozen Suga, who had stopped walking altogether at the question and had shifted his gaze downwards towards his swollen ankle.

 

“It’s not even twisted, I can barely even feel the pain,” Suga lied, covering his pain with a smile. Daichi nodded as if accepting that, moving towards him and looking down into his eyes with a heated gaze. Suga hated their 2 centimeter height difference, the way he had to tilt his head just slightly upwards to meet those deep chocolate eyes, which swirled with affection and worry and admiration. Suga anticipated some intimate gesture, but was surprised by the sudden pain in his ankle that forced him to flinch and cry out in pain, reflexively bringing his ankle off the ground. Daichi’s foot lowered back to the ground after he had kicked him, an unreadable look taking over his features.

 

“You think I was gonna buy that half-assed lie?” Daichi muttered, gaze solid as he glared down at Suga.

 

Suga’s response was to puff out his cheeks, dropping his ankle back onto the pavement, “There was no reason to do that, bully,” Suga protested, crossing his arms over his chest as he straightened in his back in an attempt to gain just a few millimeters, just enough to be eye level with Daichi. Alas, his valiant attempt proved futile.

 

“Really, I’m surprised nobody else caught on. You were carrying that leg around like a limp log the entire afternoon practice. You can go to other people for help, you know that right?” Daichi lectured, voice unwavering.

 

“Yes, sir!” Suga mimicked a salute, earning a sigh from his captain at Suga’s usual antics. Suga felt a warmth envelop his hand and was surprised to look down and see Daichi’s hand covering his own, the tanned digits encompassing his slim pale fingers as his calloused palm rubbed against Suga’s smooth one.

 

“It’d probably be a bit weird to give you a piggy-back ride at our age, so just be careful walking, okay?” Daichi rubbed the back of his neck, which was conspicuously tinged a dark red. Suga laughed, skipping forward to match his pace as they continued onwards. He noticed Daichi taking deliberately slower and smaller steps as they moved, and he was touched by the slight affectionate gesture.

 

“So what amazing offerings were given to Princess Suga today?” Daichi sparked the conversation between them, his grip tightening around Suga’s. Suga laughed, using his other hand to grapple with the clip on his bag to access his gifts from the day.

 

“Why, the harvest this year was bountiful! The volleyballs were ripe and the dildos are in full bloom,” Suga retorted, causing Daichi to break out into a fit of laughter.

 

“Did Noya really give you a dildo for your birthday?” Daichi asked between his laughs, nose scrunching up.

 

“I was too afraid to open it in front of the underclassmen, but I don’t know a lot of things shaped quick like… _that”_ Suga giggled, rooting around his bag until he was greeted with the soft crinkling of the wrapping paper under the pads of his fingers. Gripping the cylindrical object, he pulled it out from the depths of his backpack and showcased the object is Daichi.

 

“And you thought it’d be a great idea to open it in the middle of the street… You really are a strange one,” Daichi pinched the bridge of his nose as Suga readjusted his bag and used his free hand to undo the tape and let loose the wrapping. The sight before him caused his eyes to widen considerably so, and the two of them paused in unison the moment they caught sight of it.

 

“Is that…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Did he customize it?”

  
“I don’t know any store nearby that’d sell one like… this. And trust me, I’ve seen the stores,”

 

That last comment earned Suga a slight shove from Daichi as the two of them refused to remove their gaze from the object. It was a dildo alright, the same familiar shape and all. But in place of the balls they were painted as volleyballs, with the shaft painted black with weird points that looked oddly like wings.

 

“How did he even order this without getting the police called on him?” Suga carefully observed the crow-shaped phallic device.

 

“Really, that’s what you’re wondering about? Not _where_ or _why_ , but how did he manage to _order it.”_

 

Suga sent a nonplussed look back in Daichi’s direction as he juggled the dildo in his hands. “I need it for future reference,” Suga grinned, abandoning the dildo back into the abyss of his bag and bringing his fingers to linger on Daichi’s exposed arm, feeling the gentle slope of his skin as it tugged across the hidden layers of tendons and muscles and ligaments. The tips of his nails skittered along the ripples of his muscles, feeling them clench and tighten under his airy caresses. “Who knows when I’ll need them,” Suga whispered, casting a devilish look in Daichi’s direction.

 

Daichi could feel the goosebump on his arm as they formed in the wake of Suga’s teasing. He laughed softly, turning to face Suga. The two of them stopped walking, turning to stare at each other intently as Daichi’s eyes narrowed in affection, the ends of his lips quirking upwards as he tightened his grip on Suga’s hand, adjusting it so their fingers interlocked. The other hand went up to Suga’s cheek, thumb brushing gingerly across Suga’s mole as Suga leaned his head into the warmth, eyes half-lidded and expectant and entirely relaxed at the same time. He expected to feel Daichi’s chapped lips brushing against his own when he closed his eyes, but all he felt was the hot breath fanning his face as Daichi exhaled a quiet chuckle. “You’re something else, huh?” He whispered, the words dancing along his cheeks and tickling his nose and sending chills up his spine. He felt a wet warmth against his nose, a soft and innocent kiss that excited Suga more than it should have.

 

Suga pulled back, opening his eyes and sending him a grin. The hand on his cheek remained, the pads at the tips of fingers rubbing light circles across the blushing pink skin. He stepped closer, the tips of their shoes touching as he bent his head down to rest in the soft juncture of Daichi’s neck and shoulder. He shuddered out a breath, allowing the scent of sweat, laundry detergent and something distinctly _Daichi_ to overpower his nose and wrap him in a blanket of familiarity. “I know,” Suga whispered, lips moving around the soft skin of Daichi’s neck as he pressed a tender kiss along his jugular, fluttering his eyelashes across his skin and feeling his throat grow taut under his steep inhale and subsequent gulp.

 

Daichi’s hand, free now that Suga was nestled in the crook of his neck, found itself gripping onto the back of Suga’s shirt, wrapped in the fabric hanging just above his waist. “Man what would you do without me? I don’t know anybody who’d be able to handle your level of weirdness,” Daichi teased, his lips finding themselves deep in Suga’s wispy locks as he pressed them down into Suga’s skull, nose tickled by the breeze that tangled through Suga’s hair and sent it dancing across Daichi’s skin.

 

Daichi felt Suga’s hand move from where it was slung over Daichi’s shoulder to the back of his neck, trailing across the goosebump-laden flesh as his fingers found their way into the buzzed strands at the base, the pads of his fingers tickled by the prickly brown strands. Daichi groaned softly, a shudder coursing through his entire body at the sensation. “If you die on me I’ll put weird dildos all in your coffin, so don’t even think about leaving me,” Suga whispered, voice barely audible as he tightened his grip on Daichi’s hair, creating a fist that tugged at the roots of Daichi’s hair.

 

“Wow, that sounds like a fun after life,” Daichi laughed heartily, chest expanding and contracting against Suga’s chest with each steep inhale and exhale. Suga laughed along with him, enjoying the feeling of their chests moving in sync with their laughter and their inhales and their hearts as they beat swiftly to the same tune of love.

Suga’s laughter trailed off slowly with Daichi’s, reaching a flat line as they slowly opened their eyes in unison, deep chocolate ones meeting soft amber and heat passing between their gazes like a heatwave in August. Suga reached up, cupping the back of Daichi’s neck as he pulled him down slightly, brushing his lips across Daichi’s like a prologue before they met again and turned into a story of love and friendship and years of pining. Daichi’s lips moved against Suga’s own, wet and imploring as he slowly parted them in time to slip out a tongue that dashed along the seam of Suga’s mouth and pried its way inside. Suga was ready to push himself up against Daichi, to dig his fingernails into his scalp and suck gently on his tongue when he heard a sudden honk that forced the two apart in a jolted flurry of embarrassment and shock. They regained their sense of position just as the car zoomed past, and Suga looked down as his face heated up in embarrassment.

 

“I-I guess that puts an end to that,” Daichi laughed dryly, unsure how else to break the tension that settled itself in the distance forced between them. Suga sighed in response, wiping his sweating palms against his pants as he looked up at Daichi, shrugging his shoulders.

  
“I guess we should’ve held that off until later tonight. I babysit the kids in this neighbourhood and I can’t leave these kind of impressions on them,” Suga responded, titling his feet in the direction of his house and starting forth again, Daichi trailing after him absently.

 

“Can’t let them know what a little devil you truly are,” Daichi teased, his hand slotting itself smoothly against Suga’s.

 

“Can’t let them know that my boyfriend is a total liar,” Suga stuck his tongue out playfully, and Daichi found himself laughing along beside him, elbowing Suga softly in his abdomen as he admonished him.

 

Suga’s house was fast approaching as the two joked and jostled their way along the quiet streets, caring no longer for the cars that passed by them as Suga swung their joined hands between them and tugged Daichi along down the street, the sun still hanging in the sky despite the late time, a gentle evening breeze rushing between the two of them and scattering fallen petals and whisking loose leaves from their respite in the trees.

 

“So we’re on for 6 tonight?” Suga asked as he stopped in front of the fence leading to his house, turning to face Daichi as he scratched the hairs in the back of his head, face slightly flushed.

 

“Oh, yeah, we can meet at the intersection right next to the izakaya then. That’s okay, right?” Daichi asked, a bit timidly, his joking demeanor fading as his thoughts turned to later tonight.

 

“Make sure you bring my gift too!” Suga cheered, attempted to hide his own embarrassment and excitement for their date out.

 

“As if I could forget after all your pestering today,” Daichi scoffed, huffing a breath through his nose as he placed his hand on Suga’s shoulder and gently pulled him in for a hug. That same scent of sweat and deodorant mingled in Suga’s nose as he buried his nose into Daichi’s shirt, sighing softly.

 

“I’m holding you to that, okay?” Suga breathed, gripping onto the back of Daichi’s shirt as Daichi’s arms momentarily tightened around him.

 

“Okay.” Daichi answered, separating the two of them before they were interrupted by passersby once more. “Make sure not to be late,” Daichi reminded softly as Suga turned and undid the latch for the gate, opening it and moving towards the front door.

 

“Don’t worry about that, just be careful on your way there,” Suga replied, waving behind at Daichi’s still figure as he pulled the key out of his pocket and unlocked the front door, letting himself into the house. He turned around to give one final wave to a smiling Daichi before shutting the door.

 

Inside his house, Suga sighed deeply as his bag fell from his shoulder and onto the floor. He had an hour and a half until he had to meet back up with Daichi down the street. It should be plenty of time to shower, dress himself, and maybe even start some of his homework. He slipped out of his shoes and moved upstairs to his room, moving straight to his closet as he racked his brain for things to wear.

 

His closet was full of clothes, but they all looked monochrome and bland, the sleeves too wrinkled or the pants too loose to fit his fancy. Suga sat, contemplative, in front of the open doors of his closet, indecisive and pressed for time. Finally deciding on a gray checkerboard shirt and tight-fitting jeans, he took the outfit into the bathroom. His shower was quick since he had spent so much time pondering over attire, and he ran a towel through damp hair as he grabbed his wallet and headed back to the door. His mom was still out at work, so he slipped quietly out of the house and back onto the street.

 

The sun had barely begun its downward descent when Suga arrived at the intersection, a warm breeze tickling his face. Despite all his efforts to be on time, Suga was running 10 minutes late. He noticed Daichi across the street, back pressed up against the wall of the izakaya, looking pensive and checking his phone every few seconds. As Suga waited for the cross light to turn green, he caught Daichi looking up just in time to meet his stare. A warm smile flitted onto Daichi’s face, and Suga felt his own hand raise up to wave at him. True, they had just walked home together less than an hour ago, but the idea of meeting Daichi outside of school or clubs just to be alone was something that excited Suga more than he’d like it to.

 

Daichi pushed himself off the wall, moving forwards towards the street to greet Suga when he crossed. As soon as the light turned, Suga was out on the street and walking briskly across, not quite at the point of running. Suga watched as Daichi’s face turned from happy anticipation to shock, and then very quickly to determination as he called out. Suga heard the horn before he saw the car, felt the hard press against his chest before he even realized what was happening. Shock coursed through his veins as he was pushed back, world tilting sideways and vision going dark as his head hit hard upon the rough and hard surface of the road. He heard a scream and felt something wet and thick seep through his jeans and greet the skin around his knees. Someone was at his side, calling out to him, asking if he was conscious. With difficulty, Suga opened his eyes to see a blurred shape above him.

 

“Daichi?” Suga asked, vision hazy and shifting in and out of focus. The man above him wasn’t Daichi, it was a man who couldn’t have been more than 40, with dark brown hair and panicked eyes. Adrenaline kicking in, Suga shot up into a seated position, his thoughts a mix of nothing but confusion. He was on the road, sitting in the middle of the intersection while a crowd gathered around him. His hands were shredded from the impact and bleeding slightly, but the pain didn’t register. “Where’s Daichi?” Suga called out, to nobody in particular. The man next to him looked at him in confusion, as if he didn’t know who Daichi was. Which was fair, since Suga didn’t even know who this man was either.

  
“Was Daichi the guy you were with on the intersection?” The man asked. A headache was forming, pounding in the back of Suga’s, likely concussed, mind.

 

“No he was… he was on the other side, next to the restaurant. I was… I was going to meet him,” Suga choked out, eyes still roaming around. The man looked shocked, before his eyes turned downwards in a show of sadness. “You know where he is, right?” Suga asked.

 

The man turned away and Suga was quick to follow his gaze. Past the red light, halfway on the curb, was a car. Gray smoke streamed from the engine as something wet and dark, oil perhaps, seeped out from under the car. Suga was confused at the sight, until he saw a shoe, his own shoe, in front of the tire of the car. Beside it, a pool of blood that trickled from a lump a few feet in front of the car.

 

Suga’s ears rung, and he didn’t even hear the man call to him as Suga pushed himself up, feet shaky as he moved towards the car. His ankle stung, his sock was damp with blood as he limped across the street. He saw it then, the short dark hair of a teenager who was all too familiar to Suga.

 

“Daichi!” Suga called, running now towards his friend. He stumbled more than once, head pounding and ankle protesting. He ignored it, pushing onwards just to trip and fall a few inches before the man. Purple bruises flowered along his exposed arms and the side of his face that Suga could see. Blood trickled from a cut above his eye, and Suga’s vision blurred with tears.

 

“Daichi! Oh my god, Daichi!” Suga called, pushing himself forward on his hands and knees towards his fallen friend. Daichi’s eyes were closed, mouth slightly open but not breathing, not moving. Suga reached out, touching the dampened fabric of Daichi’s stained shirt. He reached towards his chest, feeling for warmth or a heartbeat or any sign of life. He only felt the stillness and fading warmth of a corpse. Suga wasn’t sure what happened after that. His screams and cries were drowned by the sounds of oncoming sirens, too late to help anyone as Suga felt all the pain hit him at once. He collapsed back on the road, vision fading and his last thought being that this birthday really was different.

 

* * *

 

Suga awoke again to his mother calling his name. The morning sunlight penetrated his curtains, pouring down upon his bed. Suga groaned, turning over groggily and opened his eyes. He was at home.

 

He tried to remember how he got home. Last night he was going to meet Daichi and then… then… Suga’s mind kickstarted as he jumped out of bed, alert and invigorated. His eyes shifted around; he was definitely in his room. But he remembered losing consciousness just as the ambulance arrived, so shouldn’t he be at the hospital? He pinched himself, wincing as the pain raced up his arm, confirming that it wasn’t some fever dream. As he moved his arm back down to his side, he noticed something that immediately made him bring it back up his face. His wide eyes canvassed his hand, looking upon his smooth palm.

 

It was smooth, yes. He remembered last night, when it was scraped and bleeding, but here it was, as pale as the rest of his skin. The pads of his fingers were still calloused from his time as a setter, there was no injury or mark that anything happened.

 

Alarmed, Suga ran out of his room, briefly coming to realize that his ankle no longer ached. His mother was in the kitchen, humming softly as she placed a piece of toast on a plate. She looked up as Suga entered the room, smiling warmly.

 

“Happy birthday, Koushi. Feel any different?” She greeted him, setting the plate down on the table.

 

Suga froze in place, turning to look at his mother, her smile unwavering. “Mom, my birthday was yesterday,” Suga said, blankly, not quite comprehending what was happening. Maybe it was some weird joke? Or what if Suga had actually been asleep for a year and he just woke up? Either way, it wasn’t funny and Suga almost hated the way his mother’s eyes narrowed in confusion, mouth finally faltering.

 

“Are you still half asleep? If you don’t get ready soon you’re gonna be late to practice,” His mother laughed, oblivious to Suga’s conflicted mind. Dazed, he turned on his heel and went back to his room. He was half-tempted to fall back into his bed and wake up when his mom gained back her sanity, but his eye caught the blinking light of his phone. Flipping it open, he was greeted with 36 Unread Messages.

 

Thinking they were only there to ask how he was, he listlessly opened the first one from Tanaka. His eyes widened as he read along the message bar.

 

_Hey hey Happy Birthday Suga-san! Got an awesome present waiting for you today, just remind me not to leave it at home! -Ryuu_

 

Suga read it again, and again a third time for third measure. No matter how he looked at it, it looked the exact same as the message he had received yesterday morning from Tanaka. He clicked onto the next message, which sounded scarily familiar to the message Oikawa sent yesterday. He went through the first 35 with unblinking eyes, recalling the messages he was sent yesterday and comparing them to the ones he was reading now. They were the same.

 

Finally, he clicked into the last message. He already knew who it was from, yet he was afraid if he opened it this weird fantasy where he traveled back in time one day would shatter and he’d wake up alone in a hospital room. Yet even as he read the familiar text, nothing changed. The birds outside continued to sing and his mother’s footsteps moving around downstairs could still be heard from his room.

 

_You’re probably asleep or studying your ass off right now, but happy birthday. It’s kinda lame to be up waiting for your birthday, but you only turn 18 once, huh? Anyway, don’t think I’ll cut you any slack at training today! -Daichi_

_P.S. I reserved a table for the izakaya near town, so don’t make any plans tonight or I won’t buy you any of that mapo tofu_

 

He gripped his phone tight, reading the text over thrice with tear-rimmed eyes. This had to be a joke, right? A cruel dream to guilt Suga for the death of his boyfriend. Yet he watched as the digital clock on his phone ticked away, one minute, two minutes, and nothing changed. He only stopped his staring when his phone buzzed with another text. With shaking fingers, he clicked the button to open the new message.

 

_Hope you’re not still sleeping, birthday boy. Omw to your house, be there in 10. -Daichi_

 

  
This wasn’t real.

**Author's Note:**

> Highkey was gonna have this finished and posted today for a special reason, but I was writing this and realized I would not have it done by then. So the reason I posted this today is kinda lost, but I guess you'll figure it out??? Also I had 10,000 words written and Daichi hadn't even died a second time yet so I was just??? i can't post like a 30k fic in one chapter.
> 
> I guess this fic is based loosely on the song Kagerou Daze, just because I love Kagepro and that song has ultimate feels. If you couldn't tell, the title is lyrics from the song.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONyfbDPc7y0
> 
> Umm also??? I wrote most of this chapter 6 months ago for Suga's actual birthday but never finished, so the writing's kinda dated and you can kinda tell where the style changes a bit bc my writing has gotten worse since then???
> 
> I'm not sure where this is going to end up going, I mean I have the ending planned but nothing really directly before that. So it'll probably have one other chapter, maybe two more. I put three but that's subject to change??
> 
> Anyways if you liked it/didn't like it/want more pls Kudos or smth??? All my power is derived off of praise and vaildation so...
> 
> http://kagedyams.tumblr.com


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